News
My latest Information Week column is "How Your Creepy Ex-Co-Workers Will Kill Facebook" -- in which I explain why Facebook and all the other social networking services live in a boom-and-bust cycle because they get crufted up with people you don't want to add to your friends list, but have to for social reasons.
You'd think that Facebook would be the perfect tool for handling all this. It's not. For every long-lost chum who reaches out to me on Facebook, there's a guy who beat me up on a weekly basis through the whole seventh grade but now wants to be my buddy; or the crazy person who was fun in college but is now kind of sad; or the creepy ex-co-worker who I'd cross the street to avoid but who now wants to know, "Am I your friend?" yes or no, this instant, please.
It's not just Facebook and it's not just me. Every "social networking service" has had this problem and every user I've spoken to has been frustrated by it. I think that's why these services are so volatile: why we're so willing to flee from Friendster and into MySpace's loving arms; from MySpace to Facebook. It's socially awkward to refuse to add someone to your friends list -- but removing someone from your friend-list is practically a declaration of war. The least-awkward way to get back to a friends list with nothing but friends on it is to reboot: create a new identity on a new system and send out some invites (of course, chances are at least one of those invites will go to someone who'll groan and wonder why we're dumb enough to think that we're pals).
Link
Leave a Reply
|
Too true. In real life, we nicely compartmentalise our social relationships. Our office buddies see one side of us, our high-school chums another. We are one way with our spouses, another with our fellow gym rats. Girlfriends and wives never, ever meet. Younger siblings do not see us farting at our girlfriends, as such would be unseemly.
On Facebook however, all these disparate groups combine in one place. We are paralysed, not sure what persona to adopt. We cannot be ourselves because we have different selves for each acquaintance.
My Facebook profile is becoming very complicated. My wife is a friend. So are a couple of girlfriends. My squirming is palpable. People I would never show my inner thoughts can view those inner thoughts when I share them with those who exist to share my inner thoughts with.
The end came today, when by some magical process of alchemy, my MOTHER showed up as one of my friends. That's it. Last straw. It was nice to run into old friends on facebook, but the price isn't worth it. I'm harvesting e-mail addresses and going back to the blessed privacy and anonymity of Yahoo.
Maybe I'm odd (in fact, I probably am) but I tend to just say no to friend requests that I don't want. There definitely are some it's not politic to refuse, but creepy ex-coworkers? If they're cluttering your network, you need to learn to say no.
Of course, Facebook is already at risk of imploding because they've sold out and all they want is to use data to sell people stuff. People will say no thanks to that too, I suspect.
[...] P.S. Cory’s comment on social sites. [...]
I found your article really interesting. We're building some great apps from scratch. Want to advise from the armchair and throw out some features you would love to see done properly - or more importantly, errors we should avoid? Anyone is welcome to join in this discussion!
Regards,
Atif Khan
CEO/Founder
deeda Inc.
http://www.deeda.com
[...] I Say No to Facebook Filed under: Uncategorized — ifireball @ 23:09 And have been doing so for a while, but here Cory helps me understand why… [...]
I had a similar experience when I moved into a different job, and I removed almost everyone in my old office from my instant messenger contact list so they could no longer IM me. Some were offended. Um, I don't work with you anymore, so why would you want to IM me still? I refuse to join myspace or facebook, but I am on linkedin.
Agreed. I already had to blow off a previous handle on FaceBook for that very reason, then creep back in under a pseudonym.. given the bawdy nature of FaceBook though, you can simply declare disgust at having all 'those people' flinging the worst of YouTube at you, thereby camouflaging your retreat.
I do say no to friend requests. I have also removed people from my friend list when months go by with no contact. I doubt they notice and if they do, we clearly had nothing to say to each other, so whatev. Likewise, I don't mind if people unfriend me, unless it's like my brother. Social networks are fluid.
Also, privacy settings, the block list and limited profile are beautiful things. If you don't want to be found, you don't have to be.
[...] why facebook will crumble From Cory: [...]